my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
