my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
