The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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