Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
