evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You did what with his pubic hair?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
