So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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