I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
