So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
