My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
