Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
