I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
