champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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