R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
