did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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