awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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