now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
