we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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