I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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