I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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