She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
