WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
