Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
