i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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