It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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