I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
