We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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