I hope mine doesn't look like that
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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