i already hear my dad disowning me
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
