I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
