its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dicks are not precious.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
