I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
