Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
