Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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