Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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