update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
