morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
