and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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