i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
