just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
