took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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