1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
