enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
