I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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