I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You ruined the universe
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize