I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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