I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
