I want to make a zoo with you.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
