After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
