I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
