Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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